


Put Your Head On My Shoulder

by tiredgayy



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: 5 Things, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Anxious Akaashi Keiji, Bipolar Bokuto Koutarou, Bipolar Disorder, BokuakakurotsukiWeek2020, Borderline Personality Disorder, Depressed Kuroo Tetsurou, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, Tsukishima Kei Has An Eating Disorder, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:28:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27369532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tiredgayy/pseuds/tiredgayy
Summary: Day 3: 5 ThingsTW!!! Read the tags!!!4 times someone got hurt and the one time they all were
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou/Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, Akaashi Keiji/Kuroo Tetsurou, Akaashi Keiji/Tsukishima Kei, Bokuto Koutarou/Kuroo Tetsurou, Bokuto Koutarou/Tsukishima Kei, Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 1
Kudos: 213
Collections: BokuAkaKuroTsuki Week 2020





	Put Your Head On My Shoulder

-1-  
Bokuto was pissed. Their team recently lost and although volleyball was a game of collective effort, he was still berating himself over the game.

He turned on the TV and started working out. If he was just a bit stronger or a bit faster, maybe they could have won. The characters in the show were talking about some mundane issue and it was bothersome. So what if he doesn’t like you back? It is absolutely ridiculous to start crying over it. He sneered at the sobbing girl. D

The next scene portrayed an eerie silence in the night, save for the crickets and cicadas. The uneven, inconsistent noise was a hindrance. It was buzzing in his ear, even continuing after the episode ended. 

He turned the TV off and threw the remote and the couch. He grabbed at his hair and felt like screaming. Why couldn’t everything shut up? 

The next disturbance was the doorbell. Akaashi stepped through the door, only to see Bokuto continuing his workout. He set his bag down and proceeded to greet him. Bokuto grumbled a response and left Akaashi in a confused state. 

Usually, Bokuto would be smiling and welcoming home with open arms. However, this Bokuto seemed to be unhappy with his presence. Akaashi brushed it off, thinking Bokuto was simply in his “emo mode.” He took out his laptop and started typing up an email for his editors.

The clicking of the keys was bothering Bokuto immensely. So, he lashed out. 

“Geez, ‘Kaashi. You’re so annoying sometimes. Can you just stop?”

“What do you mean?”

“That’s exactly what I mean. You bother me so much.”

Akaashi put his defenses up. “We both know that’s not true. You’re the one that’s being weird.”

“Shut up! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! Go away.”

With a huff, Akaashi responded, “fine,” before promptly walking out the door. Bokuto thought of this as a win and continued going about his work out. It wasn’t long till a different set of thoughts crept upon him.

Why did you do that? You’re so crazy. Why are you so angry? You must be a horrible person for making Akaashi leave like that. He’s not coming back. He’s leaving you. What would Tsukki and Kuroo think? They’d be so disappointed.

You should go hurt yourself. Or die. They know you’re not good for anything anyways. 

Once again, Bokuto begged for silence. He curled into himself and began to tear up. He felt awful and he didn’t know why. Why was everything so loud?

He felt a pair of hands holding him by his arms and he cried louder. Then, he was roughly pulled into a hug. The person talking was so loud, but it was blocking out the bad noises.

“You’re going to be okay. Bokuto-san, you’re going to be okay.”

Tsukishima held him tighter and Bokuto was finally able to focus his thoughts. The jumbled mess began to unravel itself.

“Bokuto-san, what happened?”

“I don’t know. I got home and I was super duper pissed for some reason, so I did my daily workout and watched TV, but the shows were super annoying and everything was buzzing. ‘Kaashi came home and I think I lashed out at him. Oh shit. Akaashi left! Tsukki! We have to go find him!”

He went to stand up, but Tsukishima anchored him to the ground. “Kuroo is already doing that. Don’t worry.”

Bokuto grabbed at Tsukishima’s shirt and sobbed. “Bokuto, uh, Koutarou-san? Let’s go take a nap. Sleep it off. We can talk about this later, okay?”

They both clambered up and walked towards the bedroom. They got onto the bed and Bokuto immediately buried himself into Tsukishima’s shirt. Soon enough, he drifted off into sleep. 

\---

“But he said Akaashi was annoying.”

“I know, but everything was irritating him. I don’t know why. He said every noise was pissing him off.”

A different voice. “What?”

“I’m not sure either. I am just as confused as you are.”

Bokuto finally got up and trudged towards the voices. Tsukishima acknowledged his presence with a small smile while Kuroo and Akaashi looked at him cautiously.

“What the hell was that, Kou?”

Bokuto shifted nervously under his sharp gaze and muttered, “I don’t know, Kuroo.”

“What do you mean, you don’t know? You lashed out at Akaashi for no reason!”

“I don’t know! I was just annoyed. I think. I felt like there were a thousand needles under my skin and I wanted to bend my arms the wrong way and I think I was angry at everything.”

Akaashi spoke up. “What?”

“And then when ‘Kaashi left, all the thoughts were bad. They said I was stupid and annoying and Tsukki would be so disappointed and that I should die. I don’t want to die. I think. I don’t know.” Bokuto hid his face in his hands and began to cry again. A pair of arms snaked his way around his waist.

“I’m not disappointed, Bokuto-san. You had a bad day. I can’t blame you for that. Sure, the outcome wasn’t ideal, but it’s alright.”

Akaashi put his hands on Bokuto’s cheeks. “I’m not mad, just worried.”

Kuroo asked, “What should we do next time? Should we leave you alone?”

Bokuto was shocked by the forgiveness but answered nonetheless. “I’m not sure. I don’t think you can make everything in the world quiet.”

“Then what if we got you headphones? Noise-canceling ones like Tsukki?”

“That might help.”

Kuroo took Bokuto’s hands in his own and looked at him fondly. “You’re always here for us. It’s our turn to take care of you.”

Bokuto smiled.

-2-

Akaashi was stressed. He had to write up a report for the new manga and begin looking over some of the drawings. The deadline was approaching, but his coworkers have not sent in the art. At the very least, he should finish the report, which had a minimum requirement of 2000 words. Akaashi was barely at 1000. How is he supposed to double the length of it?

He drank another sip of his coffee, unaware of the multiple cups already strewn about the room. He just had to think a bit. He sat there, hunched over his laptop. The lights were dim and it was starting to hurt his eyes. He couldn’t get himself to type a single word. It was frustrating.

He found that his cup was empty and stood up to get another drink from the fridge, tiptoeing past his sleeping partners. He found a can of Monster, but as he reached to grab it, he found that his hands were shaking.

A flurry of thoughts hit him. What do I do now? I can’t finish it. I don’t know what to do. I can’t breathe. Why can’t I breathe? Fuck. I’m dying. I’m going to die. Make it stop.

A pair of hands appeared before him and he placed his own on top of them. He clambered into waiting arms. Kuroo, ever the observant cat, started holding him.

“It’s going to be okay. You’re safe. You’re alright. I’m so proud of you.”

Akaashi felt the rise and fall of Kuroo’s chest and tried to match it. It was difficult, but progress was being made. Kuroo put his head in Akaashi’s hair and continued talking. Akaashi could feel the vibrations and it was oddly soothing.

As he calmed down, Bokuto and Tsukishima groggily made their way over. 

“‘Kaashi, baby, what’s wrong?”

Akaashi scrubbed at his eyes. “There’s too much work. I have to finish the report in two days, but I can’t write anything. I’m supposed to check over my coworkers’ panels by then too, but they haven’t sent them to me. I don’t know what to do.”

“I’m so tired. I don’t want to do anything.”

Kuroo held him a little tighter. “You’ll be okay, baby. I promise. We’ll help you through this.”

Tsukishima leaned into him and spoke, “It’s not your fault either. It’s your coworkers’. They should be responsible enough to send it in on time, but they aren’t. Your boss will understand, don’t worry, Akaashi-san.” 

Bokuto piggybacked off of Tsukishima. “Yeah! They’re the dummies! It’s their fault.” 

Akaashi smiled as he listened to Kuroo. “You should go to bed. We can work on the report tomorrow.”

Kuroo pulled Akaashi up and pulled him into the bedroom before lying him onto the mattress and holding him. Tsukishima snuggled into his chest and wrapped his arms around his waist. The caffeine was getting to him, but Bokuto brought him melatonin chocolates. Eventually, he fell asleep.

\---

The next morning, he woke up alone. He checked the clock and it read 11:20. He left the room and went into the study to begin working, only to see Tsukishima fixing his grammatical errors. Akaashi went to sit next to him and greeted him with a kiss. Tsukishima smiled and continued reading over his mistakes, occasionally adding his own sentences in order to make the report more organized. 

By the time he was done, it had reached 1200 words. Tsukishima took his hand and led him to the kitchen, where Bokuto and Kuroo were making pancakes. The sight of Kuroo covered in white powder and the stack of burnt pancakes made him laugh. Kuroo and Bokuto plastered kisses over his face, before kissing Tsukishima as well. 

As they sat around the table, Tsukishima said, “I sent an email to your boss saying that your coworkers haven’t sent anything yet. He said he’ll talk to them and move the deadline.”

Akaashi kissed him again. “Thank you.”

A flustered Tsukishima answered, “I’m not all that good at comforting, so it was the least I could do, Akaashi-san.”

Akaashi fed him a strawberry and Bokuto remarked that Tsukishima was the same shade. The cheerful banter returned. Akaashi felt his head clear. 

He was going to be alright.

-3-

Kuroo paced the floor. He was supposed to be dressing for the business party, but he couldn’t bring himself to. There were going to be so many people at the party and he was required to attend. He tried to push the thoughts away, but every attempt brought the worry back tenfold. 

There was a knock on the door. After Kuroo’s acknowledgment, Bokuto entered the room.

“Ku-bro, why aren’t you dressed?”

“Bro. There are going to be so many people.”

“That’s great, right?” Excitement turned to confusion. Bokuto felt that there was something off about Kuroo’s demeanor. He usually had no issues with parties.

“None of you are going to be there. It’s just me and a bunch of strangers. I can’t do that.”

Bokuto thought for a bit and told Kuroo to change, before leaving the room.

“Don’t worry! Your amazing boyfriends are going to help!”

Kuroo sighed and put on his suit. 

When he left the room, he saw Akaashi dressed up nicely as well. He turned to Tsukishima for an explanation. 

“Well, since you are more comfortable when we are there, we figured someone should go with you. It’s a party anyway. Unfortunately, Bokuto-san and I are part of a league, so we can’t go.”

“Oh.” Kuroo gave a grateful smile and hugged the younger. He gave Bokuto a quick peck on the cheek as well. Akaashi held out his hand and they walked to the car together. 

\---

The restaurant was fancy. Tables were set on the outer edge of the room, allowing for the attendees to converse. Overall, the atmosphere was one of professionalism and elegance. Kuroo felt his breath hitch. There had to be at least 100 people in this room alone. 

A swarm of coworkers came over to greet Akaashi and Kuroo. Akaashi was pulled away by a group of people that had questions about Kuroo. He shot an apologetic look and left Kuroo to his own devices. Kuroo tried to follow his boyfriend, but his coworkers were adamant about making pointless conversation. 

A waiter with a tray of wine walked past and Kuroo quickly got himself two glasses. He couldn’t allow himself to panic at the party. Drinking almost always helped (not that this had been tested. This was just a hypothesis. A desperate one at that.)

After roaming around the room, drinking, and seeing his peers, he was finally able to comfortably make small talk. His words were less profound and started to slur slightly. Akaashi was finally able to catch up with his tipsy boyfriend. Kuroo ignored his worried look and kept his lighthearted facade. Akaashi dragged him over to the bathroom, paying no mind to the subtle wolf whistles.

“Pain-in-the-Ass Kuroo. What the hell are you doing?”

“I’m at a business party doing business things,” Kuroo slurred. Akaashi checked the time and saw that it was only 8 p.m. Leaving now could seem rude. They’d have to leave in an hour. Kuroo flaunted out of the bathroom and made his way towards the crowd. In a last-ditch attempt, Akaashi called Tsukishima.

“Akaashi-san?”

“Hey, Tsukki. I think Kuroo’s wasted.”

“What?”

“At first, he was alright. He drank casually- a sip of wine here and there. Next thing you know, he’s all fidgety and drunk.”

“Can you come home now?”

“Not without seeming rude. We’ve only been here for an hour and it is a business party after all.”

Tsukishima sighed. “Just try to keep him from drinking any more. We’ll wait for you at home.”

In the background, Akaashi heard, “Kuroo’s drunk? Oh shit.”

Opting to put aside his worry, he set out to find his boyfriend.

\---

Said boyfriend was talking about promoting Hinata Shouyou. He reached out for another drink, but Akaashi slapped his hand away from it. Kuroo glared at him but kept talking nonetheless. 

About thirty minutes had passed and Kuroo was getting antsy. He reverted back into his nervous habits, fidgeting, and looking around. Akaashi thought to himself, “only fifteen minutes, love. Then, we can go home.” 

Kuroo tried to scratch at his arms, but Akaashi held his hands. The other guests were being to disperse, opting to talk in smaller groups rather than large ones. A persistent couple struck up a conversation with Kuroo and Akaashi and the conversation went well past 9 p.m.

Akaashi pretended to have gotten a phone call and dragged Kuroo into the passenger’s seat of their car. Kuroo immediately curled up and started scratching himself again. Akaashi, who was driving, couldn’t help him at the moment. He set his gaze to the road and drove as fast as he legally could.

When they got home, Kuroo’s arms were bleeding. Tsukishima and Bokuto rushed to the door. They took Kuroo into their arms as Akaashi went to get bandages. 

When he got back, Kuroo was clinging onto Bokuto and sobbing. He looked like a frightened kitten. Tsukishima went to make a hot cup of tea while Akaashi bandaged his boyfriend. Soon enough, they were all huddled on the couch and comforting Kuroo.

Despite Kuroo’s outward behavior, he was incredibly uncomfortable with socializing. The party did nothing to help ease the fear. 

Akaashi left to get the first-aid kit as Tsukishima whispered in his ear, “you aren’t at the party anymore. It’s okay. It’s just us four, Kuroo-san.” 

Kuroo’s sobs gradually slowed as he fell into a slumber. Bokuto and Tsukishima came to a mutual, unspoken agreement.

Screw professionalism. They would all be there for Kuroo. 

-4-

Tsukishima stood out, yet all he wanted was to disappear. 

He started counting the calories he gained and lost, trying to keep the net total under 500. He brushed off all of the times he stumbled after a block and when he had to take pills to drive away the dizziness. He began to decline lunch meets with his teammates. He left for college early in the morning and came home late at night. This made it easier to skip meals.

On the days that he was forced to sit down with his partners, he would push food around his plate and eat slowly. (Akaashi always figured him out. Tsukishima would stay hunched over the toilet later.)

Nowadays, Tsukishima would wake up groggy and exhausted. He went through the motions of the day feeling as though time was gradually slowing down. His professor’s lectures were reduced to a buzz and the commute was ever so excruciating, as he could not stand the feeling of everyone’s eyes on him.

Sometimes, it was the opposite. Days went by faster than lightning. He would blink and show up in a different place. He couldn’t remember anything that had happened in between. It was as though his mind shut off and let his body finish the work.

But his lethargy was no excuse for his grades. He stayed up later and later, cramming information into his brain. The next morning, he would wake up ever more disoriented. It was a horrible cycle of tiredness and hopelessness. 

\---

Practice was brutal, as always. Koganegawa set higher than ever, forcing Tsukishima to brace his knees as he landed. Kyoutani kept complaining about how easy his spikes were to block. 

Normally, Tsukishima would fire back a nasty retort, but today, he couldn’t find it in himself to do so. He simply clenched his teeth and continued. The other two blonds picked up on this but made no remark. 

Then, they rotated. Kyoutani slammed the ball into Tsukishima’s arms. Both he and the ball crashed onto the ground. Tsukishima felt his head spin like a hurricane as Koganegawa and Kyoutani helped him sit up. 

Tsukishima leaned against Koganegawa while Kyoutani called one of his boyfriends. He couldn’t figure out who. Soon enough, he was being pulled towards a car and he finally allowed himself to take a nap. 

\---

He woke up to the feeling of multiple arms around him and three pairs of eyes looking at him. 

Bokuto held him tighter. “Why are you so small?”

Tsukishima laughed a pitiful laugh. “I am by no means small. I’m taller than you, Bokuto-san.”

Kuroo stood up to look him straight in the eye. “Cut the shit, Tsukishima. Why aren’t you eating?”

Akaashi sensed his discomfort and held his hands, thumbs brushing over his bony knuckles. 

Tsukishima averted his gaze and murmured, “my eating habits are just fine, Kuroo-san. It’s really no big deal.”

Kuroo yelled, “What eating habits? Not eating? You’re basically a fucking skeleton. You passed out, Kei. Do you know how scary that is? What if you pass out one day and never get back up? What am I- what are we supposed to do then?”

Bokuto buried his head in Tsukishima’s neck and whimpered. Akaashi squeezed his hands a bit tighter and whispered, “Kei, love, please. What’s going on?”

Tsukishima must have looked so pathetic, being on the verge of tears. He explained how he felt the need to disappear- to feel small. His height was the only thing he was good for and he hated it. If he was just a bit smaller, he wouldn’t have to worry about that self-loathing feeling.

If he was just a bit smaller, he would stop getting so many stares. He wouldn’t have to hear whispers about him being a freak. Tsukishima hated the negative attention and he wanted it to stop. He wanted to disappear forever, but was too afraid to take immediate action.

Akaashi looked down. “You’re worth so much, love. So, so much.” 

Bokuto nodded frantically. “I love you, Tsukki.” He attempted to smile, but it was shaky. Tsukishima shook his head frantically and wiped his eyes. Kuroo pulled his hands from his face and kissed his cheeks. 

“We love you, Kei. To the moon and back.”

“Why? I don’t understand.”

Akaashi looked him in the eyes and smiled. “You make us so, so happy, Kei.”

Tsukishima shook his head frantically and reached for Akaashi’s sweater. He took off his glasses and put his head on Akaashi’s shoulder.

And they let their baby break, so they could pick up the pieces.

-5-

Bokuto was exhausted. He had come home late due to practice and personal workouts. He walked into a silent, dark room. Despite the time, no one seemed to be home. There was a lack of cuddling on the couch. No one was cooking either. Every room was dark. Shrugging it off, he took a shower.

When he finished, he crept into one of the bedrooms, only to see Tsukishima already asleep. Something in Bokuto’s mind told him to not bother him, and he ended up in a different room.

Bokuto tried to sleep, but his thoughts were intent on spiraling. He was questioning the whereabouts of his boyfriends, wondering if he had done something to drive them away. He thought of Tsukishima in the other room, who must have been so tired that he went straight to bed after arriving home. Was Tsukishima okay? Should he have gone to stay with him instead?

He heard footsteps outside of the room and smiled. One of his boyfriends were home. He laid in bed, awaiting their arrival, but it never came. The person must have stopped to sleep on the couch. Disappointed, Bokuto finally succumbed to sleep.

A few weeks later, Akaashi had come home to a similar sight. None of his partners were home, so Akaashi took it upon himself to make some coffee and get to work. He camped out in the study, frantically typing on his laptop. 

At around 6 pm, someone came home. He expected to hear machines whir to life. The stove would turn on, or there would be pans clanking against each other, just as there always had been. Bokuto would come bumbling back, a large smile on his face. Sloppy kisses would be exchanged in the kitchen before Bokuto would bounce into the study to greet Akaashi as well. Akaashi waited to hear laughter, but he was greeted with an empty silence instead.

Akaashi strained his ears, desperate to hear another sound, but nothing came. He shook his head and went back to work. 

Midnight crept upon him, but he still had not heard any noise. Akaashi got up and walked into a bedroom, huddling under the covers. He fell asleep to the silence (and in the morning, he would wake up to it too.)

Kuroo had been swamped with work. He was desperate to get home and kiss his boyfriends. As amazing as alcohol is, it was nothing compared to his darlings. He staggered into the apartment but when he got there, it was already late. Everyone was asleep.

He looked around the house and found that it was clean. There were no dirty dishes or papers strewn around the floor. Kuroo went to check on his boyfriends, but they all seemed to be sleeping in different places. Why was everyone avoiding each other?

He sighed and accepted the reality. If everyone else was alone, surely he should be too. It’s only fair. He stumbled over to the couch and collapsed on it.

Tsukishima came home early every day. He would sit in the dining room and do homework while his boyfriends trickled in. For a while now, they would come home tired.

He watched Bokuto make a beeline towards the bathroom, not even stopping to give Tsukishima even the smallest sign of recognition. He heard Akaashi grumble on his way to the study, dark purple under his eyes and another cup of coffee in hand. He saw the way Kuroo would stumble in late at night and sleep on the couch, rather than either of the beds- instead of holding Tsukishima like he used to.

This had gone on for a while. Each of his boyfriends was exhausted, and Tsukishima was doing no better. On the days where his workload was limited, he would crash in one of the beds, unaware of the arrival of his partners. 

Tsukishima had gone out to dinner with his teammates. As expected, everyone got drunk and their “short hangout” stretched till midnight. He had rushed home and began running towards the toilet to get rid of the food that sat heavily in his stomach.

Bokuto woke up to the sound of loud retching. As tired as he was, he made his way towards the sound. He found his youngest boyfriends hunched over the toilet with tears down his face. Bokuto sat behind him and put his hand on his back.

“I thought you said you were getting better.”

Tsukishima was startled, but upon seeing Bokuto, he began to cry even harder. “Tsukki, why does it feel like I haven’t seen you in weeks?” 

Bokuto shook his head and pulled Tsukishima into an embrace. Tsukishima wiped his mouth, disgusted and tired. “You’ve gotten even smaller, Tsukki.” He continued to sob, which awakened both Kuroo and Akaashi. 

“Kuroo-san? Akaashi-san?”

Kuroo and Akaashi both ran forwards to hug the crying duo. Tsukishima cried, “when was the last time I have even hugged you guys?”

This only made the embrace tighter. Apologies were overlapping and tears were shed. Soon enough, the four of them made their way towards one of the bedrooms. They held each other as they slept.

\---

Bokuto woke up to the sight of his boyfriends, each of them holding onto someone.

Akaashi woke up to the sound of pancakes sizzling on the stove.

Kuroo woke up to the sight of Akaashi and Bokuto laughing while making breakfast. 

Tsukishima woke up to the sight of all three of his boyfriends smiling and full of energy.

It wasn’t until after breakfast that they decided to talk. All four of them were seated on the living room carpet.

“So,” Akaashi began, “Bokuto has been overworking himself at the gym, Kuroo has been coming home past midnight and drunk, and Tsukishima has stopped eating?”

“For the record, Akaashi-san, you've been holed up in the study.”

“Right. That too.”

The elder two nodded. Bokuto curled into himself and cried. 

“We’re supposed to be there for each other. We are supposed to notice these things about each other.”

The other three nodded guiltily. Akaashi started to pick on his nails, Kuroo wiped at his eyes, and Tsukishima fidgeted with his fingers.

“We fucked up,” cried Kuroo. “We fucked up so bad.”

Tsukishima reached to grab his hand and was intercepted by Kuroo crying into his shoulder. Akaashi held onto his two boyfriends and Bokuto joined too. 

Bokuto’s eyes steeled. “We’ll be better. I promise. We will get better at this.”

Four determined looks graced the room.

**Author's Note:**

> Spam me on twt: @tiredgayy


End file.
